So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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