I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
