Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
