i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
