The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
