I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
