hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
