I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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