Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
