So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
