a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
