so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
