...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
