Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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