You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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