I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
