WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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