I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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