My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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