I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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