I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
