Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
