He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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