We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
