I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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