there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
