Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
