I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
