imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
