I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
