she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize