i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
