my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
