Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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