the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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