I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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