You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
