Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
