Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Houston, we have a blender
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize