Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
