What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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