If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
