My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
