The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
