Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
