I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
