I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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