I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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