First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
