LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
