I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
