Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I look better un-naked...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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