Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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