Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
