This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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