:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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