If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize