Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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