How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
