I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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