I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize