I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
