I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
