i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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