I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
