That's intense
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
