Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
