I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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