My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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