He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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