Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im holly from the hills drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize