why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
try to milk me bitch
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
