I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
