I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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