Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
