Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
