the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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