ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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