I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
