clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
