This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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