I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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