You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
