omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize