he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
