I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
