You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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