best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
