i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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