Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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