So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
