We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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