It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Found your dick twin last night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
