Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is Oprah even human
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
