hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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