Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how do flat chested girls get laid?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
