$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
