By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
