every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
