You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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