She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
