When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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