Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A bitchslap is in order.
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