im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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