i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I believe in your delicious
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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