my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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